Friday, September 01, 2006

The Way We Roll... on a Thursday night

Last night one of The Funasaurus' closest friends, A, came in to town. We've all been close for a long time. The big news is that A is going to propose to his girlfriend today. They currently live in Texas, but her parents live here in Colorado (conviently enough for us) so A planned a vacation for the long weekend up here, and came a day early to ask her parents' permission. (I will save my [and when I say "my" I mean, "my and K's" (hi, K!)] "perpetuating notions of women as property" speech for another day) Since he was in town, naturally we had to take him out to celebrate. And where else do you go for such a momentous event, but The Cheesecake Factory?

Well, "the asking of permission" took a little longer than A anticipated. At 9:30, The Funasaurus received a call that A was finally on his way, he'd be at TCF in half an hour. I had no idea, as I had already passed out on the couch. The Funasaurus shook me awake in a manner more appropriate for "salad dressing" than "darling fiancée" and, after a few choice remarks from me, we took off.

We have two options to get downtown. One is a straight shot, but it's on city streets, through Denver's version of a ghetto. (Not as bad as some of the nicer streets in Wilmington, Delaware, home-sweet-original-home for me. But pretty bad for D-town. S'all relative.) The other option makes a huge "U" around the city and is twice as long, but it's on two major highways where 85 mph is the norm, and you can actually get there faster if the universe is playing nice.


We all know about my current status with the universe. So when Funasaurus decided to take the highway, naturally, there was construction. And it was stop-and-go. A normally 15-minute drive took us AN HOUR.

AT 10:00 AT NIGHT.

We went from "excited friends" to "snarly people with overactive middle fingers," in the span of about four orange cones.

When we finally got to The Cheesecake Factory, A was well into his second Crown and coke, and didn't mind at all that we were late, because he had found an entire fleet of people to keep him company by making the strategic move of inviting one particular friend out to join him. This particular friend is The MySpace Guy. The MySpace Guy is quirky and funny and does very well for himself, but his real claim to fame is his mastery of the MySpace phenomena. He has made himself known to the greater Denver metropolis area via this site-for-overly-sexy-preteens-and-bored-twenty-and-occasionally-thirty-somethings (and I can say that, because I totally have an account. Look me up! I need more friends! I am currently teetering on "social pariah" on the MySpace Popularity Richter Scale due to my lack of friends. Help me!) and anytime he goes out, hordes of very beautiful women recognize him from their MySpace connection, and flock to him. This guy has a magic, on-line-touch. Digital charm, if you will. Chatroom finesse. A little cyber je ne sais quoi.

So anyway... A calls The MySpace Guy to join him for a drink, when we call to say we're going to be late. By the time we show up, there are three gorgeous women in chandelier earrings and stilettos laughing and re-applying Very Shiny Gloss at our table. At The Cheesecake Factory. On a Thursday night. In Denver, Colorado. How...? Where..? wha...? There are also two random guys in tow. We have no idea who they are. But they seem friendly, so we let them buy us a drink. I am benevolent, that way.

I feel I deserve a little extra compensation for sitting in the car that long, so I order myself a ginormous slice of Linda's Fudge Cake. I felt slightly appeased.

A showed us The Ring, which was basically a little round sliver of something triple dipped in diamonds. That thing had more bling on it than Paul Wall's dentist's office. A had a whole plan for today that includes hiking, copious amounts of roses, portable stereo speakers, a special mix-CD of favorite songs, a gourmet picnic, and a waterfall. And a bling-ity-bling-bling-ring. I think a little "I do" inadvertently slipped out of my mouth as he finished describing his plans.

It was fun, but I we didn't crawl into bed until around 1:00 a.m.

I am struggling a little this morning. But between funny new people, obscene amounts of diamonds, a shit-ton of calories in the form of chocolate cake, and good friends, it was more than worth it.


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Marcia said...

Alright, I have a big question: I'm 25, can I get a myspace without considerable shame? I'm neither a 14y/o, nor a pedophile, but I feel that it might help me with le blog promotion. What do you think?

meno said...

Um wow, that anon comment is so right on.

Anyway, as i am old, i really admire you for being able to stay up past 10:30. Sounds like a fun time. I want the ring.

anne said...

I have wondered about the myspace phenom myself. However, the few times I've popped over to someone's who I know, I haven't been very impressed. Eh, I just don't know!

But I love TCF...and diamonds...can't go wrong with either!!