Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pandas and Bad Metaphors

Let’s say my job has taken a turn for the more…creative and I am currently in need of a panda costume. For a work event. Or, at least, I could do with a panda mask. Any suggestions or previous Halloween costumes I could borrow out there?

On a completely different topic, my sister-in-law has become obsessed with romance novels, and has recently convinced me to read one. It felt very much like a King Sized Milky Way bar for my brain. It had no redeeming nutritional or literary value whatsoever, in fact, I perhaps feel slightly lazier for having digested it, but dear God it felt so good going down. I had no idea such an abundance of soft core porn had its own section in Borders! How did I miss out on this genre in my angsty, honry teenage years? This seriously could have saved me a lot of lame poetry-writing. Or perhaps induced more dirty poetry. I don’t know. Either way, the world would have been better off.

I feel so unfaithful to my book club. I think I am supposed to be reading some Pulitzer Prize-winning Icelandic author right now. Instead I am snorting literary crack in the back alley where commas are poured liberally and without structure, like powder on a mirror.

It just tastes so sweet.

Friday, April 17, 2009


Hi, I’m still alive. (barely.) Life has been a weird combination of boring and busy. Busy as in, I feel like I don’t have any free time any more, boring as in I’ve been doing absolutely nothing with all that time that’s worthy of a blog entry.

On Monday I had this bizarrely realistic dream, wherein I was driving a friend’s stuff across the country. The “stuff” included one dog and one full-sized alligator in their respective crates. I was not happy about being roped into this task, and at one point in California I got out of the car in a parking lot to take a little break and let the animals out. I was drinking out of a water bottle and looked over at the alligator and thought to myself, “Don’t they usually live in the water? I bet the poor guy’s thirsty.” So I poured a little water into his mouth, and he seemed to like it. And I remember having the distinct thought, “Well, at least THIS’LL make a good blog entry!” as I gave an alligator little sips of water from a water bottle in a parking lot in California.

Then I woke up and briefly pondered writing that blog post, but then quickly deemed it Too Lame because, hello, it’s a dream, and went on waiting for something better to happen. Clearly, my week has not gotten more exciting, so you get the dream. Happy Friday.

I worked a convention downtown two days this week, and while it is very exciting for someone who normally works from home to see: People! Coworkers! Clothes that are not pajamas! It is also very hard for that person to get up early enough to be completely showered and dressed and make-upped in time to DRIVE somewhere to begin their workday. How did I ever used to do that on a regular basis? How do you people do it? Two days later I am exhausted and still wearing pajamas at 11:00 AM.

In less-pitiful sounding news, it is snowing here AGAIN, and really, when we’re halfway to May, I have to ask, what’s the point? I am not skiing this weekend, and half of everyone I know is flying in or out of Denver today, and it’s really all quite inconvenient. Happily, I only have to run to the grocery store and am comfortable driving in the snow (should it ever start accumulating on the roads) but I have now added Emergen-C to the grocery list, gearing our immune systems up for the battle that I know is to come with the pending 70-degree weather.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Cumple-ing Some Anos

I can hear The Funasaurus watching T.V. downstairs. Either our sound is fucked, or American Idol is slaughtering a perfectly decent Kylie Minogue song. Like, brutally.

In happier news, today I put decade # 3 under my belt. Facebook has boosted me into superstardom with its birthday reminder, and I have never felt more popular or remembered. Plus, also, my brother is the awesomest brother ever, and has a memory like an elephant. Remember this post? He definitely did. Today an enormous box of Voss water was delivered to my doorstep. It is not just any sibling that will hunt down overpriced Norwegian water and send you a crate to celebrate making it through another year. Awesome.

And then The Funasaurus sent me flowers that look like a very large cupcake. I don’t have a picture, yet, but trust me, it’s coming. And it will be awesome. Because there is not much more I love in the world than cupcakes and flowers. Except, perhaps, for sparkly earrings. Which The Funasaurus also gave me and much like a bird, I have spent most of the evening transfixed by the sparkle.

Super rad birthday. I hadn’t even noticed that I’m getting old and my hair’s turning gray and there are definite signs all around that I am becoming a grown-up and whatnot.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

I Guess It Rains Popcorn in Aaaaaaafricaaaaaaaa

The problem with a) being sick and b) having crappy weather is that I don’t leave the house much these days. Around 1:00 today I finally broke and went to Panera for a quick soup in a bread bowl, just to see some people. I don’t think the people were very excited that I proceeded to hack all over their restaurant because the cold aggravated the tickle in my throat. But the soup was good and I got to pretend like I was a member of society for about ten minutes.

Tatum and Sugar, on the other hand, love the sickness and the cold. Because they don’t get sick or cold, what with different immune systems and a cozy little house that I have kept at a balmy 72 degrees recently. They just get a very lethargic Me, who is willing to take naps with them just about daily. Of course, napping is not great for my work schedule, and has thus led to a couple of late nights as I scramble to not fall too far behind on work projects. Which only leads to more napping the following day. It’s a bad cycle. For me. For Tatum and Sugar it’s a very awesome cycle.

In other news, a good friend who just got back from Egypt sent me a lovely Ankh pendant from somewhere near the pyramids. I have always had a thing for Egypt. (Could any country be more the opposite of Norway?) When I was very young, I obsessed about Cleopatra and King Tutankhamen, and in grade school I decided I wanted to be an Egyptologist and go about digging up pyramids in the desert. I practiced my archaeological skeelz in the schoolyard and found some burnt bits of corn. At the time I supposed there had been a large popcorn party or something, and those were the remnants that had been microwaved too long. In actuality, I think I learned later it had been a corn field that had been burned down and covered in asphalt to make the playground. I think a massive, field-sized popcorn party is a better story, but I digress. I am very excited about my new little pendant, and I need to find a silver chain to put it on so I can wear it as a necklace. Anyone have a good suggestion as to where to buy a silver chain?