Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Things I've Learned Since I've Been in Germany- UPDATED

1. I am not smart enough to be left to fend for myself in a foreign airport. If left alone I will likely a) get obscenely lost, b) get through customs, and c) end up on the other side of the fucking airport only to finally figure out that my bags are back in the baggage claim where I arrived, and I have to wait for AN HOUR to go BACK THROUGH Germany security (where they are much more... "intimate" than the U.S.... taking off your shoes is only the first step) just to get back to the baggage claim where my bags are now the only ones left, rotting in a corner all by their lonesome selves.

2. Castles have a LOT of unnecessary stairs.

3. German food is cardiac arrest-inducing. (But damn good.)

4. German kezboardß suck.

5. My hair and lips are bigger in Germany. The hair can be attributed to the NEVER-ENDING rain, but I am still mystified on the lips. It has been confirmed in various mirrors, though, that, while not yet Angelina-Jolie-esque, they are less pale-pink-thread-like than usual.

6. I still don't love beer. (shhhh)

7. "bite" still does't mean "thank you" in German, as much as I try to make it so.

8. South Park in German is off-the-hook hilarious. By contrast, Richard Geere in Pretty Woman Deustch loses a little somethin´.

9. Living in a closet in the ghet-to is sad and claustrophobic. Send wine. :-(

10. Germany is like France in that everything smells sexy and European. (Minus public transportation.) Germany is UNLIKE France in that their public restrooms are actually clean.

11. German toilet paper is rediculously luxurious. Fold it more than once, and it feels like a swatch of fleece. How does their septic system handle it?

12. Public computer kiosks hurt my neck. What does a girl have to do to get a chair arou,nd here? Signing off.


Kristin said...

hallo cat, wie geht es Ihnen? genießen Sie die schönen Schlösser! (according to babel fish that means - hello cat, how are you? enjoy the beautiful castles). thank you so so much for my birthday card - i love it and it's the first one i've received. i just read your last few posts - brilliant, funny, you really need to pen a novel. the guys are headed to flogging molly tonight and i'm opting out to get a facial - i definitely got the better deal :-) have a great time in germany!

katie-q said...

That's so fun that you are there, will you be there over Oktoberfest this weekend? That would be totally awesome!

Anonymous said...

Hey !! What are you doing in Germany with out me? Cara

Mama P said...

My husband travels there all the time. He always laughs about the exit signs on the autobaun (spelling... sorry... I'm HORRIBLE) They say something like "ass fart".

Josephine said...

Take care of yourself over there, girl!

And have loads of fun!

Lisa Pulliam said...

TP like a swatch of fleece? I have to see that. Adding that to the list of reasons to travel Europe...have fun!

Kristin said...

Ok, I am totally curious about the fleece like toilet paper!

And the poutier lips?

Germany is sounding damn good about now as I would like both those things.

onetallmomma said...

Years ago I spent time in England where I was horrified to discover that the TP in public rest rooms was the consistency of thin wax paper!

And should I send white or red?