Foreign Adventures

Last night I went out to dinner with the Funasaurus' sister, D. Whom I love. We were swapping travel stories, since she had gone to Morocco with her best friend during the same week that I was in Germany.

The conversation went something like this:

D: How was your trip?

me: Great! But I was glad to come home at the end. Business travel is a different kind of adventure.

D: Africa is a different kind of adventure.

me: I met some old ladies on the plane.

D: I met a dark and handsome Arab guy on the plane.

me: The ladies rubbed my back.

D: The dark and handsome Arab guy made out with my best friend.

me: I got lost in the Frankfurt airport.

D: I got accosted by the dark and handsome Arab guy's family at the Casablanca airport, and taken back to their house.

me: I stayed in a really small, closet-like hotel room.

D: I slept on the floor under a rug with a bunch of strangers at the dark and handsome Arab guy's family's house.

me: I heard the people in the room next to me having sex.

D: I heard my best friend under the same carpet having sex with the dark and handsome Arab guy.

me: I toured a castle.

D: I toured the desert.

me: I rode a boat down the Rhine.

D: I rode a camel through some sand dunes.

me: I ate some unidentifiable meat.

D: I ate some unidentifiable mush.

me: I took a taxi on the scary Autobahn.

D: I drove a rental car through some random mountain roads.

me: I learned "polizei" means "police" in German.

D: I learned you have to bribe a policeman with lots of money to not take you to jail when he pulls you over for no good reason in the middle of the night on a dark and scary road, in Morocco.

me: I bought a beer stein.

D: I bought a huge ass carpet.

me: My shower had really low water pressure.

D: I got scrubbed down while naked by a naked old woman with really large droopy breasts in a Turkish bath.

me: I had to throw out my tights because they got a run in them.

D: I had to throw out my underwear after the Turkish bath because I had to sit on the floor in them and it was really gross.

me: I was intimidated by the really loud German men at a restaurant because they occasionally looked at me.

D: I was intimidated by the really loud Moroccan men in the bazaar because they groped me and exposed themselves.

me: I climbed some stairs in a castle.

D: I climbed a mountain in Africa.

me: German toilet paper is really nice.

D: They didn't have toilet paper in Morocco. (Except in the really nice hotel.)

me: I had a nice meat and potatoes dinner by myself, at the end.

D: I had a 5-star meal under the stars in a beautiful hotel with my best friend, at the end.

D's mom: Dying a million deaths, listening to her daughter's stories.

The Funasaurus: D totally wins.

Maybe she did.

For now.

But I will totally trump any camel ride to a tent in the desert with exotic strangers selling hand-woven rugs whenever my kingdom in Europe comes in to fruition. I can wait. I am patient.

...

I'm hoping by year's end....