Friday, October 20, 2006

Evil Picked Up the Tab. Nice.

Herr MWOTH decided we should all go out as a team, and grab a drink after work last night. Mandatory Fun.

I had better things to do, like, say, removing nose hairs with a blowtorch, but I couldn't think of a good excuse to back out. Our relationship has been fairly contentious recently, due to the fact that he's a lying liar-liar-pants-on-FIRE, and I called him out on it to management who, being the passive/aggressive scaredy cats that they are, didn't do anything about it, which left me feeling somewhat deflated, and HERR MWOTH pissing mad.

Bad combo.

Things have calmed down, and since I was invited this time (the previous Mandatory Fun function was a BBQ, to which I was very blatantly not invited, despite the fact that everyone else in sales and marketing was, but whatever) I decided to go to keep the semblance of peace. (ha ha. Little does he know, I am plotting his untimely and Kenny-esque demise daily.)

So we left work a little early (bonus) and headed to a bar downtown. Where I happened to recognize the bartender.

Herr MWOTH: "How do you know him?"

(In my head): We dated the same girl.

What actually comes out of my mouth: Oh, we have a friend in common.

La-a-a-m-e... if more accurate.

We proceed to drink our drinks, and move on to a fabulous bar called Double Daughters, named after these Siamese twins who ran off and joined the circus, and their shtick was axe throwing. (Of course it was.) Occasionally, the axes missed, and there was serious bloodshed. So all of the booths at this highly-overpriced-but-totally-worth-it-bar are shaped like huge drops of blood. You really must see it. The railing to the upper level is made out of fake axes, but it's subtle. At the end of the Siamese twin axe-throwing show, they would apparently release doves. So there are also these horrid, dusty white birds suspended from the ceiling. And they kinda glow. It really is fantastic.

And the sink in the bathroom is a fake log. I'm not sure what the significance of that is.

If you ever go there, you MUST get the Teddy Bear Orgy. 10 words: Gummy Bears on a Skewer Submerged in Very Yummy Alcohol. aaahhaaahaaaahhhh

The conversation was strained, I kept coming up with better answers in my head than the crap that came out of my mouth. Like, "Mmm, it IS a random mirror," instead of "Imagine how many lines of coke you could do off of it!" I blame it on the alcohol-drenched gummy bears.

Fucking with evil, slightly conservative, very Republican, prudish bosses is fun.

...previously in the day...

I have a new coworker. She is red-headed and has a unique tattoo, so I decided she was going to have to do something seriously awful, like be a Herr MWOTH lover and a pinot noir hater for me not to like her. Fortunately, that is not the case.

So two days ago I sent her an e-mail with a newfound discovery that I could not just keep to myself:

Africam. Go there. Click on "NKORKO STREAM" in the upper left-hand corner. LIVE PICTURES FROM A WATERING HOLE IN SOUTH AFRICA! ZEBRAS AND LIONS ABOUND! supposedly.

Except we spent two entire days surreptitiously checking the Africam, and nothing happened. Occasionally, the camera would move, and we'd get excited, but it never went anywhere more exciting, "Oh, look, more dirt. It appears to be nighttime to the left of the watering hole, as well."

So finally I got an e-mail from her, "I'm not patient enough for this. It just bothers me that there are zebras wandering around in Africa and I can't see them."

Oh!

I knew I was going to like her.

So we've moved on to Pandacam. I highly suggest you check it out.

I'm not even sorry that you're now addicted. Welcome to my world. Princesses and exotic animals just GO together. Much better than evil bosses and mandatory fun... even if there IS something that implies kinky sex within the stuffed animal realm, involved.

Cheers!

5 comments:

Marcia said...

DUH. Princesses + Cuddly Animals = AWESOMENESS.

Lindsay said...

Dude. I heart your blog. Seriously. I see archive reading in my very near future :)

Mama P said...

The double daughters thing? So creepy. So much so, I HAVE to go there when I hit Colorado. I can't help but think if I had Double Pipsqueaks. Oh my god, blood shed of the third degree! You CRACK me up big time. The funasauraus is a lucky man.

meno said...

Oh, i love the watering hole cam, we used to have it up all day a t work. And now i have Pandacam. YAY! Thanks for that.

I would have paid $100 for you to tell Herr MWOTH that you dated the same girl at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Why did I ever stop viewing this blog? Because, as Marse would say, I am le loser.

And I'm with Meno. Though you could have also gone with "We produced gay porn in the 80s." And after his startled look you could have said, "You're a log cabin Republican right?"

Your blog rocks!

PS - the word verification for this comment was "gleak".