Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Claymation Princess

I have a weird fascination with claymation. I looooove it. I think it brought me one step closer to my-dolls-are-really-alive fantasy, or something, when I was a child. And now? I just still think it's cool. 3-D fantasy is still a bazillion times more satisfying than cartoons. Rudolph was the highlight of my Christmas.

When I was a child, we used to have Swiss Mix cocoa mix for those rare snow days we would get. In Delaware, an inch and a half of snow would shut the state down. In Colorado, it makes people consider maybe putting on their snow tires, one of these days, hmmm haw.

Uh. Back to Swiss Miss. So anyway, there used to be this claymation-y girl on the Swiss Miss commercials. (I'm talking late, late 70s, early 80s, here.) I have searched and searched for her, and I think it's insane that she's not still around. I finally found her, after much pleading with the Google gods. And. HERE she is. *Joy* Do you remember? Do you remember the love, y'all? What HAPPENED to her? We need to bring her back.

Swiss Miss hot chocolate is a product of ConAgra foods. Here is the TOLL FREE line to Swiss Miss' customer service: 800-457-6649. Please call and ask to bring her back, o.k.? She used to walk around the cocoa and interact with real kids. It was awesome. Like the Trix Bunny, only better because she was a) 3-D and b) not a whiner.

Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

I also very much loved the old Disney short film of Noah's Ark, because all the animals were made out of corks and paperclips and whatnot, and how could you not want a flamingo made out of pipe cleaners? Really.

Another one of my upcoming policies in my eventual kingdom will be the stop-action claymation of most advertising. I would actually be swayed by that kind of marketing. 3-D clay razor dancing around on someone's leg? Hell yes, hook me up! Who cares about the nicks if the razor can wipe the blood away? 3-D clay wine glass frolicking around bottles of very expensive wine? I'll buy a case. Stop-action Popeye munching spinach? I will learn to love the green stuff. Loveable clay lawnmower buzzing around a yard? I'll get a new house just so I can have a freakin' yard to mow. Why hasn't anyone in advertising figured this out?

Attention all marketers: BRING BACK CLAYMATION. If you stop-action it, the princess will come.

(Tee hee. That sounds dirty. Claymation vibrator, anyone? It could whisper sweet nothings in your ear when it's done.)

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