Real Title: List of Things To NOT Do When You Are Home Alone Because Your Significant Other Is Out of Town on Business and You Are Bored but at Least There Is an Open Bottle of Wine Wheee Whooo!
Also: it's only Tuesday.
1) Cook in a white shirt with no apron
2) Attempt "new thing" with eyeliner while holding hyperactive cat
3) Shop online
4) Write Fuck You, You Arrogant Prick, That Was My Idea e-mail to that someone special at your office
5) Try to understand directions on replacing the bag in the Litter Locker
5) Count
6) Drunk dial friends on the east coast when it's 11:25 p.m. in Colorado
7) Decide to write editorial piece for People magazine on the overrated Bradgelina and underrated Stephelyn. (No, seriously. I came up with that one, myself. For the record, her name is Evelyn McGee-Colbert. They just list her as "wife" on this site!!! I would kick some serious digg.com ass, if I were her. You go, Mrs. Colbert! I got yer back. Honestly. I even tried to put your name first, but Evephen didn't have the same ring, unfortunately.)
8) Practice beluga calls on your front porch (not loudly, yeesh) while watering Very Dead rose tree, ignoring cool neighbors who are smoking exotic-y European cigarettes 20 feet away
9) Open second bottle of wine
10) Finesse angler's loop knot skeelz on own wrist
11) Pass out on couch before setting any sort of alarm whatsoever
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment