Tuesday, August 15, 2006

But I don't waaaaaanna be a bridezilla...!

Getting engaged was one of the most pivotal, intense, deeply emotional and thrilling moments of my life. A moment of nothing but a wide-eyed boyfriend and a heartswell of epic proportions lasted long enough to call my parents and brother in a blur... before

DINGDINGDING!

the wedding! Tra-la, I am going to be a bride!-moment hit.

I tried to be chill, to enjoy it all and just live in the moment, but already visions of satin and calla lillies were creeping into my head.

I did actually spend a couple of wonderful days (over a week!) just enjoying the newness, the craziness, and the rekindled love of being engaged before we did our first wedding-related thing. We went venue hunting. We spent one day, saw five different spots, decided quickly that we were not the country club types but more the ranch-on-a-mountain types, so we set a date, and that was that.

And, to reiterate, WE picked the spot. The Funasaurus did get a say. And I hope it stays that way. Because I think girls (women?) get a little carried away with this whole wedding-thing. It is a multi-billion dollar industry. Women can be slightly neurotic and perfection-y, anyway (as can men, but there is a division of the sexes, along this line, sorry) and the whole wedding industry feeds in to that neurosis. There are stories of tantrums being thrown over the WRONG STAMPS being bought to send the invitations. (Really, does anyone notice stamps? [if they're not Kermit, that is. Of course everyone noticed the Kermit stamps.]) Of weddings being ruined because the sparkly LIGHTS were not hung just so, that the photographer forgot to take the picture of bride+mom+grandmom+aunt Gertrude+but NOT Aunt Mildred, he only got one with Aunt Mildred in it and how could he make such a big, fan-fucking-tastic mistake?

In starting to research all of this, I have discovered theknot.com. It is basically crack for brides.

It caters to every whim, every tulle or organza question, of dendrobium orchids over oncidium orchids, and how DARE your MOH (figure it out, I had to. There is no guidebook for all the acronyms, [and there are TONS] you just have to be smart enough to decipher them all, or get left out of the conversation because you are too dumb to be here, anyway and probably not pretty enough, either) want a dress that covers her arms when you have always DREAMED of your BMs dressing in matching fuchsia strapless tea-length gowns?

(To theknot's credit, they often advise comfort over matchy-matchy, to their credit. But I was making a point.)

In any case, any topic you can dream of is covered on this site. There are lists of vendors. Lists of vendor vendors, in fact. There are chat rooms. Chat rooms for other fall brides. For brides in your local area. For brides who want untraditional venues. For brides who think men-should-have-no-say-and-wear-pink-ties-and-don't-understand-why-their-future-children-will-all-cower-in-fear. Some women DON'T LEAVE theknot.com after they're married. They have grown too attached to the daily conversations of "who's the best photographer in Pueblo?" and "What do I do if my MOH can't afford a pedicure?" They still want to dispense advice! So they do, from their infinite wisdom of Now-Being-Married. Theknot.com has even created a place for them. The affiliate: thenest.com. Yet some woman can't make the transition. They still seem to cling to the wedding-prep conversations, even though they are now delegated to the Has-Been Bleachers. (But we DO respect our elders on theknot.com. We do. "***NOWMRS.C.!**** How do you feel about wearing a ginormous pouffy wedding dress onto the plane to go to your honeymoon? Did you feel that was a good decision?")

Uh...

So anyway. It's fascinating, in the can't-stop-staring-at-the-accident kind of way. And also in the oooh-good-idea-I-will-send-myself-an-e-mail-reminder-about-cranberry-centerpieces kind of way. And there is quite a support network there, which is obviously appreciated from the overly stressed, soon-to-be-brides.

Some of the coolest wedding stuff I've found, though, has come from surfing the web and reading other people's blogs and not from wedding sites. For example, I'm very into the idea of alternative desserts. Candy buffets are all the rage right now (yeah, I know, I had no idea, either, despite the fact that I've been to five weddings so far, this year. But theknot.com says so, so I believe them. I'm a sucker for marketing) but I'm not really into candy. I like cake. Or pastries. But wedding cakes are obscene, both in style and price. If I am going to pay a fortune for a cake, it's coming from THIS place.

Alternatively, I'd really like to do cupcakes, or petits fours, or SUSHI. That's right. Click the link. It's so, so worth it. Be sure to read the descriptions.

Meanwhile, The Funasaurus and I decided we wouldn't do any planning until our -1 anniversary in September. (Ha ha. Have you even read this post?) So in that vein, I will stop, now. Because I really don't want to be a bridezilla. I just want to see The Funasaurus' hick uncle squirm when we ask him to eat a chocolate sushi. Raw fish. Except, NOT! Heh heh. That's a little sadist of me, no?

But I'll stop there, since that's another discussion, altogether.

3 comments:

Phoebe said...

You had me laughing out loud with this one...haha, theknot.com description is dead on. Wedding dress on a plane? LOL, how may times did I read something similiar just a few years back! Oh, the drama.

perfectmoderation said...

Thanks for passing on thenest.com. Now I can waste even more time. I really appreciate it.

Commitmentphobe said...

GOD I LOVE THE SUSHI! DOitDoit!
I like the little bit of Sadism too...I call it "Humor"