The Caffeinated Bet

A little over a year ago, I made a bet that I could stay off of coffee for a year.

The way I remember it going down, I had been giving a co-worker a ride to work on a regular basis. As a thank-you, she would often get me a nice, hot beverage from the local coffee shop. Now, I love me some coffee, but I usually only drink a small cup every now and then. Not even every day. Well, this co-worker, in all her gratitude, one day bought me a SuperSized vanilla latte.

That was a gallon of liquid yum.

I chugged the whole thing before we had even pulled into the parking lot for work.

Shortly thereafter, I got a headache. (And I am not prone to headaches.) And a stomachache. And the shakes, and overall heebie-geebies. It didn't go away all morning, it didn't go away after I ate a good lunch, and by the time I got home (around 5:30?) that night, I thought I was maybe going crazy.

I remember throwing myself on the couch, fairly melodramatically, saying, "I am never going to drink coffee, again."

I remember The Funasaurus snorting.

And I remember saying, "No, seriously. This sucks."

And I remember The Funasaurus saying, "I'll bet you can't even go a year without coffee."

And I remember saying, "Done." And the bet was made, and the loser had to take the winner out to a really nice dinner downtown, somewhere.

The Funasaurus' version of the story is a little different. It involves me doing all of the talking, making the bet, and him saying all of, "hmm? o.k."

He says it's "the right version."

I say it's the "less-interesting version."

Anyway. So I did it. I went a year without coffee. (Just coffee. I could still have caffeine. There were sodas and chais and tea all year long.)

People have told me, "Gee, after that long, you're probably over it, huh? You'll probably not want it, anymore."

To them I say, "Psh-aaaw."

I craved coffee EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I love the smell of it. I missed the jolt. (In moderate amounts.) I missed the "cool factor" because after a while you just lose some street cred by ordering hot chocolate every time you go to Starbucks with a group.

So I got to have my very first cup on August 2. I didn't even have a whole cup. I just had a little splash in my normal morning cup of hot chocolate to give it that little something extra. And: HELLO BOINKYBOINKY HEART! (Regarding that link... do any of you remember the Swiss Miss caricature from the 70s? 80s? It was like a claymation Heidi. Complete with blond braids. Does anyone remember her? I can't find her anywhere, anymore. But I miss her. She would have been a waaaay cooler link.)

This reaction surprised me since a) it was a very nominal amount of coffee, and b) I had been drinking caffeine this whole time, as I said. Just not coffee.

But this proves, to me, without a doubt, there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise, that there is a crap-ton more caffeine in coffee than any other caffeinated beverage I can think of.

(Side note: pet peeve: ending sentences with prepositions. I still do it. See above. I just dislike it. That shows my unresolved issues of anal-ness and laziness.)

(Side side note: one of my favorite quotes: Madame, that is a rule, up with which, I shall not put. -Winston Churchill.)

(Side side side note: Some people dispute that quote is actually Churchill's. To them I say, "Y'all have waaaaay too much time on your hands.")

So that was my bet. I won it. The Funasaurus must now take me out to a nice dinner, somewhere. Sometime. Maybe he will even bring me flowers. (My guess is that would be more likely if he were actually to read this blog.) But I will still take fois gras over daisies, any day.