My Little Masochistic Tendencies

I care a lot about what people think of me. I am happy to offer to be the driver for the occasional Starbucks run with co-workers. I went out of my way to be nice to The Funasaurus' friends when I first met them. I make a concerted effort to say something somewhat unique and intelligent if I'm asked to speak in a meeting at work. When I moved away from my hometown when I was 13, I began obsessively writing letters every day, lest one of my old friends think I had forgotten them. I literally wrote 5-10 (sometimes more, I think my record was 33. [Please don't think I'm a freak]) every day for two years.

But I think this comes from a deep-seated, "Let's all be friends!" attitude.

Hey, you! Reading this! Let's be friends! ... Write me.

This slight tendency has led to some inconveniences in my life, like giving a co-worker a ride for nine months in a row while she was looking for the perfect car, after hers was totaled in an accident. But on the upside (and more importantly) this has led to some really long-term, meaningful relationships with people I might otherwise have fallen out of touch with. And thank goodness for that, because I adore the people in my life, as crazy and different as they all are. I really do. They make for good stories.

On that note, I recently had a good friend confess to me that she's gotten into the whole S&M thing. More specifically, the whole domination/submissive thing. Because that's different. The whole whips and chains and black leather is apparently SO Hollywood, and not at all how things go down (!) in real (?) life. It's apparently all about humiliation and psychological games, and the physical is only a second-hand deal.

Oh. My. Goodness.

So I listened attentively, and tried to figure out what she was talking about. It took me about 10 minutes of nodding and guessing, "I have these guys... they do whatever I tell them to do... do you know what I'm saying?" nod nod. (Inside my head, "she must be good in bed." HA! Little did I know.) When I finally pieced it together, (we were having this conversation in a bar over a nice Chardonnay, so we had to keep it on the down-low) I was reeling from the concept. My only previous knowledge of the whole subculture came from a very brief scene in Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Sex & The City and apparently that is only the tip of the iceberg, my friend.

So to speak.

So when I got home, I went straight to the computer. There is a LOT of information out there, and while I would dearly love to direct you to an S&M WEBSITE, I'm shy. I can't do it. But if you're curious, it's not hard to find.

Being the open-minded friend that I am, I printed out some pages to review a little more thoroughly. I brought them in my car as stoplight and carwash reading material.

Being the mess that I am, I left those pages of domination and submission in the sun. To yellow just a wee bit. And also to forget about.

Being the person who cares so much about what other people think, I was something beyond Hor.I.Fied. when I went on one of those previously mentioned Starbucks runs with MY BOSS, and she sat on them, all, "what's this shall I move it to the back se... oh!"

Oh!, indeed.

That was awkward.

And perhaps doesn't bode well for the raise I have been trying to get.

Or.

Maybe it does.

Perhaps a riding crop is just what I need to get my point across.