Thursday, April 17, 2008

Always Be My Brownie

Well, it’s Dress Thursday, and I am in a big ol’ long hippie skirt, but you will just have to take my word for it because there is no photographic evidence. I am having a bad hair day. No pictures. Thus I spake.

Of course, it took me about three hours to actually get dressed this morning, so I was a little slow on the Dress Thursday-ing, because I had every intention to go for a jog, but I stuck my little toe out the door and oh! it was quite too chilly, what with all the FUCKING SNOW on the ground.

So I loitered about in my jogging gear, unsure of how to get my heart rate up in the comfortable warmth of my itty-bitty home. Then I remembered that the other day The Funasaurus randomly came home with a jump rope. Apparently he thought we were in need of another dust collector for our garage.

I meandered out to our garage, and decided to see what I could do. Within the first *WHAP* on the dusty cement, repressed memories of failed middle school double-dutch competitions came flooding back over me, and I tripped on my shoelaces (no shit) and quickly surmised that this was not the sport for me. Though not before a) strangling myself with said rope b) giving myself rug burn with said rope, because it was too long so I had the brilliant idea of wraping it around my wrist once to shorten it, not realizing it’d continue to twist as I swung it in huge circles and c) tripped again.

I have come to terms with the fact that my condition will be less than svelte for the honeymoon. And I’m o.k. with that.

Then I had brownies for breakfast.

I have also come to the realization that the best way to gain weight is to tell yourself you are going to go on a diet. I have never really dieted before (and apparently never will) but yesterday I was feeling not-so-hungry after a decent breakfast, and so I decided I wouldn’t be hungry for the next week or so and refrain from eating fried things and bread and refined sugar so that I could slip into my bathing suit a little easier. That lasted until about lunchtime. With the best of intentions, I went to order a salad. But it was cold, so I ordered a tuna melt. With extra cheese. On the very large cibatta bun. With fries. They were so good.

Then I got home and could not stop craving chocolate, but I had no chocolate, and didn’t feel like going out to get some. (See: FUCKING SNOW above.) So I scrounged around in the cupboards and found brownie mix HALLELUJAH! except I am pretty sure I bought that mix when we lived somewhere else, and it made the move to this house with us… and… well, I think that was, like, five-year-old brownie mix. PSA: brownie mix doesn’t go bad, folks! I bribed my unsuspecting neighbor over, mentioning brownies and American Idol, and hey, they were both good. (What? No, I don’t like American Idol. Yeesh.

But if I did, I would totally be crushing on David Cook right now. Also, if I was that girl [which I’m not (*cough*)] I would have downloaded his version of “Always Be My Baby”)

So, surprisingly, there were just a couple brownies left over this morning (I consider that a WEAK performance by us, last night) and so I reminded myself of my resolve to not eat refined sugar, and promptly devoured what was left.

Maybe I will eat better when I get to the all-inclusive resort.

I crack myself up.


audrey said...

Once I tried to jump rope at the gym, and damn! When did jump-roping get so hard? I get severely winded after just 15 seconds; I have no idea how I used to jump rope for hours on end as a kid -- and actually ENJOY it.

Michelle & the City said...

brownies for breakfast?! awesome :)

and thanks for stopping by my blog!

Ramblin' Red said...

Honey...there ain't no shame in your game, lol...or at least there shan't be.

1.) David Cook = one fine performer, that I proudly DVR and ffwd thru the AI BS for each week. No shame, sistah.

2.) Physique-ly? Pa-shaw...and I think I could top you, but there is shame in my game in that arena so I'm not tellin'.

Funny as always - you crack me up too.

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe that it is still snowing in Colorado, arrrggghhhh it's April for God's sake!!!


Melissa said...

Me no likey the diet either. I have (many a time) after a large meal decided that I would never be hungry again and just not eat for a couple of weeks. Only to find myself hours later stuffing my face full of whatever sugary treat I managed to find shoved away in my pantry. Must be why we are such good friends!

Snark Scribe said...

"Then I had brownies for breakfast."

I've done that too. I keep a stash of brownie mix in the cupboard for cravings, and some ready-made in the freezer for emergencies. It's dangerous I tell you!

panthergirl said...

Oooh you crack me up too!! (blog post titles don't get enough attention, if you ask me)

Thanks for stopping, for voting on BE, and most of all for appreciating my Pope joke.

I'm comin' back, babe!

Amanda said...

OMG I love brownies or anything remotely close to that for breakfast. And yes I think the moment I started drinking Diet Coke 10 years ago my weight has never been the same. Any diet is the end to whatever skinniness I have left! And.... if I were to watch American Idol too... I'D LOVE DAVID COOK too! Omg.. that song was amazing!

Mariuca said...

LOL! David C totally rocks and he was oh so hot last concert! ;)

Thanks for the vote, u got mine as well! :)

Princess in Galoshes said...

Audrey- You're exactly right! I remember it being fun and easy. NOT SO, anymore.

Michelle- They were delicious. And I'll be back!

Red- Thanks for the support, image-wise. ... in both cases.

Maud- J'en ai marre de la neige.

Mel- There are many, many reasons we are friends. Our fondness for sugar-y carbs is just one of the many.

Snark- Sometimes, a girl just needs her brownies. Thanks for understanding.

Panther- I love your writing, I'll be back.

Amanda- Diet Coke and American Idol. It's a good life, no?

Mariuca- Thanks, chica! David Cook-lovers unite!