Thursday, July 12, 2007

True Princess Confessions

So I found this website, True Bride Confessions, a couple of weeks ago. It’s fairly entertaining. Somewhat similar to PostSecret, but without the effort of artwork or postage. At first, it made me sad, because so many people seem to be unhappy at this stage, which is tragic, because I am having a blast planning my wedding. I like my mom. I like The Funasaurus’ mom (almost running her off the road was totally an ACCIDENT, I swear, but that’s another post for another day), I like my dress, and most surprisingly, I like my fiancé. After a while, I started feeling guilty for enjoying myself so thoroughly through what obviously should be a terribly difficult and trying time, and I tried to stop looking at the site. But it taunted me. Taunted me with its regular updates and intriguing bitchiness. So I went back.

And then I discovered the sister sites, True Mom Confessions, True Dad Confessions, and True Office Confessions. Whoo-boy, that is a whole lotta time killer for you right there! The mom and dad stuff I don’t check as regularly, because, eh. I don’t really relate. And they can get pretty whine-y. But the office ones are funny. While at first I scorned the losers who would post anonymous confessions about their tedious lives on these sites, my own dirty little secrets began brewing in my head.

It took a while, but two nights ago, I let the demon out and submitted my own confession. I got the generic reply, about it being received and reviewed before posting. I felt strangely relieved. I kept hitting the “refresh” button, to see if it had posted, yet, but alas, they took their time in updating that night.

Yesterday when I came in, I checked the site eagerly to see how many “me toos!” had been posted. How many people share my juicy little secret?

Turns out, I will never know. Because apparently, my confession was not good enough for True Office Confessions; it had not been posted. Maybe I am not scandalous enough. I was horrified. I thought it was a good confession. But apparently it did not make the “I want to bend my secretary over and boink her brains out” cut.

So fuck ‘em. I thought about it, and I have decided… to post my confession here. Because I can. Because I think it is good enough. So here goes.

...

“I practice my ballet leaps in the office hallway after everyone else is gone.”

EEEEEEEEEEEK!

Oh no she did-unt! Girl, you so crazy! Yes, yes I am. And yes, I do. I am not god at ballet, but that does not stop me from attempting to execute the most ungraceful of jettés all the way down the hall to the candy dish at the receptionist’s desk! Ha-ha! When halls are that long, I find it entirely wasteful not to take advantage of the leaping room. So I occasionally get a little skippy start, and leap, appendages flailing everywhere, and soar (?) across a small stretch of carpet. It’s rather fun. I highly suggest it for any of you who work in an office with a good hallway.

And screw you, True Office Confessions, for not thinking my entry was good enough. I still posted it (albeit less anonymously) on the World Wide Web, anyway.

Plbthbthbthbthbthbth

16 comments:

Christie said...

Good for you. Don't let The Man hold you back from getting the truth out. Because work sucks and we should all find a way to cope with it. Yours just happens to be ballet leaps down the hallway, mine was clogging the toilets with toilet paper and blaming the girl I hated.

Diane said...

I used to try to jump up and touch the ceiling when no one was looking . . . and it's true, white girls can't jumg

Pauline said...

I trust "I am not god at ballet" was a Freudian slip. Made me chuckle at the thought of god, appendages flapping, jette-ing with you all the way to the receptionist's candy dish. I often want to do cartwheels and back flips down the long hallway in the elementary wing where I work but the higher-ups have frowned on that...

meno said...

Those bastards!

Maybe they will publish it some other day, when no boinking of the secretary is confessed.

DLPanther said...

When I'm alone, I jump up in the elevator as soon as it starts moving to see if I can fly for just a littel bit, or if I'm not in the mood for that I just make faces at the security camera.

Angela said...

Oh my God, I am laughing so hard at that image! For what it's worth, I totally think that should have made the site.

And I agree, this wedding planning thing is awesome, well, until some random person called our venue and pretended to be me canceling our wedding. Um, yeah, I'll have to blog about that.

Lindystar said...

Oooo I love that true mom confession site. I'm not a mom but they have a really fun sex forum that I love to participate in.

I posted a couple of confessions before they finally put one up so don't feel too bad.

And hey yours IS cool so they can suck balls.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

I found www.truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com

and I'm addicted. Great. Thanks, Princess. Now I have more addictive sites to keep me from not doing work. Hahah... just kidding! I'm glad you're happy planning your wedding. That's always a good sign for a happy marriage. :)

hamiam said...

A new addiction for me is www.gizoogle.com - it comes up with hilarious renditions of your blog posts - TRY it!!

audrey said...

I would totally do that if I ever had the office to myself! I worked at a little dance store in college that was not super busy and I had the store all to myself a lot of the time. I had a great time trying on all the pointe shoes and cute clothes and just generally goofing off ... um, I mean, educating myself about the products.

Snark Scribe said...

Today, I pirouetted in the lobby when no one was watching. It's good for your inner child.

Mama P said...

I think the fact that you love your in-law, mother and fiancé is absolutely scandalous.

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious. I feel considerably more relaxed after reading such a well crafted nugget. That being said, I'm back from China and have pictures if you want to see.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Christie- Nice work on the toilets. How did you manage to pass the blame??

Diane- I am very white. And un-jump-y. But that's great that you tried.

Pauline- I left it in, just for you, as much as my inner editor desperately wanted to go add that second "o."

Meno- I KNOW! The indignity of it all....

DL- I hvae never tried that. I am scared of falling. Does it do anything?

Angela- That is awful! Who would do such a thing? You hear about crazy brides going to extreme measures, but yeesh.

Lindystar- Sex forum?? Where? How do I get there??

Mishy- Always happy to provide a distraction. Thanks for finding me one more.

Ham- I am off to try it, now! I can't wait!

Audrey- I am a firm believer in product awareness, and quality control. (You know, for if you ever work at a bar/wine store.)

Snark- Hooray! Wasn't it wonderful?

Anonymous- Welcome back. I do want to see the pics!

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

The sex forum is on the truemomconfession site. It's a lot of fun.

v said...

Yup. That's a great true office confession.

Now I dare you to do a cartwheel down the hallway.

That's right! You know you want to. Hmm, have you already done it?