True Princess Confessions

So I found this website, True Bride Confessions, a couple of weeks ago. It’s fairly entertaining. Somewhat similar to PostSecret, but without the effort of artwork or postage. At first, it made me sad, because so many people seem to be unhappy at this stage, which is tragic, because I am having a blast planning my wedding. I like my mom. I like The Funasaurus’ mom (almost running her off the road was totally an ACCIDENT, I swear, but that’s another post for another day), I like my dress, and most surprisingly, I like my fiancé. After a while, I started feeling guilty for enjoying myself so thoroughly through what obviously should be a terribly difficult and trying time, and I tried to stop looking at the site. But it taunted me. Taunted me with its regular updates and intriguing bitchiness. So I went back.

And then I discovered the sister sites, True Mom Confessions, True Dad Confessions, and True Office Confessions. Whoo-boy, that is a whole lotta time killer for you right there! The mom and dad stuff I don’t check as regularly, because, eh. I don’t really relate. And they can get pretty whine-y. But the office ones are funny. While at first I scorned the losers who would post anonymous confessions about their tedious lives on these sites, my own dirty little secrets began brewing in my head.

It took a while, but two nights ago, I let the demon out and submitted my own confession. I got the generic reply, about it being received and reviewed before posting. I felt strangely relieved. I kept hitting the “refresh” button, to see if it had posted, yet, but alas, they took their time in updating that night.

Yesterday when I came in, I checked the site eagerly to see how many “me toos!” had been posted. How many people share my juicy little secret?

Turns out, I will never know. Because apparently, my confession was not good enough for True Office Confessions; it had not been posted. Maybe I am not scandalous enough. I was horrified. I thought it was a good confession. But apparently it did not make the “I want to bend my secretary over and boink her brains out” cut.

So fuck ‘em. I thought about it, and I have decided… to post my confession here. Because I can. Because I think it is good enough. So here goes.

...

“I practice my ballet leaps in the office hallway after everyone else is gone.”

EEEEEEEEEEEK!

Oh no she did-unt! Girl, you so crazy! Yes, yes I am. And yes, I do. I am not god at ballet, but that does not stop me from attempting to execute the most ungraceful of jettés all the way down the hall to the candy dish at the receptionist’s desk! Ha-ha! When halls are that long, I find it entirely wasteful not to take advantage of the leaping room. So I occasionally get a little skippy start, and leap, appendages flailing everywhere, and soar (?) across a small stretch of carpet. It’s rather fun. I highly suggest it for any of you who work in an office with a good hallway.

And screw you, True Office Confessions, for not thinking my entry was good enough. I still posted it (albeit less anonymously) on the World Wide Web, anyway.

Plbthbthbthbthbthbth