Dreams Worthy of Royalty

Recently, I think I have been feeling a little inadequate. (picture me in Wayne’s World all, “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!” Actually… don’t. It’s a ridiculously stupid movie and is almost automatically quoted by any random bumblefuck outside of the east coast when they hear I’m from Delaware. “Oh, you mean like in Wayne’s World?” and then, because they can’t help themselves, “Hi, I’m in… Delaware.” And then they wonder why I beat them with sharp jagged objects and say, “Never heard that one, before.”)

Love me some parenthetical statements.

Back to my inadequacy. I’ve been having dreams wherein The Funasaurus and I are doing something together, and he’s a million times better at whatever it is, and I wake up feeling like I should drug him and sneak him into the courthouse and wake him up just in time to say, “I do,” today, so that he doesn’t come to his senses and back out of this whole thing before the wedding. These dreams culminated in one two nights ago, in which we were back in a high school math class (my own, personal, innermost circle of hell [Dante has got nothin’ on Mrs. Sullivan]) and The Funasaurus was all, “oh, this advanced calculus is easy, I’m acing everything and will graduate with honors,” and I was like, “I forgot how to add.”

When I woke up, I was first relieved that I will never again have to sit in a math class, and then secondly very stressed and annoyed with myself. So I decided to give myself a little talking-to, because these dreams were getting out of hand. And so I was like, “Self, you are a brilliant woman. No, make that brilliant Princess. And just because someone hasn’t yet decided to commend you on your amazing Chardonnay-consumption abilities and pay you for your borderline-freaky obsession with beautiful foreign monarchies, it doesn’t mean they won’t ever.” (I realize they probably won’t, ever, however self needed a pep talk, not a demoralizer.)

And apparently, I took myself quite seriously. Because last night, I dreamt that The Funasaurus was an astronaut, and I was the winner of a Pulitzer Prize, and we were having a conversation about just how ironic it was that he wasn’t going to be able to attend my award ceremony because it just happened to fall on the same day as his launch on his mission to Mars. Or the moon. Or wherever. And then we laughed, all W.A.S.P.-y and restrained, “heh heh heh.” And shook our heads as we swirled a very expensive Chateauneuf des Papes in the crystal goblets from Tiffany’s that someone had so generously given us at our wedding.

!

The very best part? I woke up saying, “But that’s the same day as your launch!”out loud, and The Funasaurus, totally asleep, rolled over and quite coherently says, “I know!”

!!!! ? !!!!