Wednesday, January 03, 2007

My First Day

I arrived early this morning. My commute was only an hour, and not the hour and a half I anticipated, (though it still sucked because an hour in traffic is DAYS in I-so-could-be-sleeping-in-right-now time) so I treated myself to a chai from Starbucks while I waited for my soon-to-be-current employer to come get me from the King Soopers parking lot and 4-wheel me back to the house where I would be working.

The house which she, and her partner, keep at sub-freaking-freezing all day long. I spent most of the day trying not to turn into a popsicle while taking notes on updating titles on Amazon.

I work with three people, regularly. Plus a wealthy owner out in California, with whom I have yet to speak with, personally. We’ll call the wealthy owner Hay-soos. In my office/basement/refrigerator room, I work with Kanga, a personified Australian teddy bear of a 50-something man, (just go with it) his ex-wife Bar-B who is beautiful, petite, blonde, and wears Neiman Marcus-y looking clothes and much makeup, and Kanga’s current live-in partner, a teddy bear of a much younger woman who appears to be more of a this-old-sweater's-clean-and-doesn't-have-too-many-holes dresser, than a Neimans girl, and no makeup no no, but is very kind and a bit plump. She looks like she’d be really good at hugging. I think I’m going to call her Tulip. Meanwhile, ex-wife Bar-B has taken to shaking up with ol’ Hay-soos out in California on a semi-permanent basis, so she’s “on the road a lot.” They all get along great.

Supposedly.

I’m desperate to know how they really feel about each other, and am debating getting sloshed with all of them at some point to drag out some details because this is going to be a really twisted, great story, I can just feel it.

Meanwhile, Tulip is turning out to be quite smart, and is juggling a lot of balls, but isn’t so great at explaining what all the balls are, just says, “oh, can you catch that one?” and I did a lot of “catch what? What was that? What am I supposed to be doing?” all day, but she was very patient and would explain, “Oh could you just handle thismumblemumblething” and I would smile, relieved, and say, “oh, thanks for clarifying that” and go back to watching my appendages slowly accumulate frost while I wondered what the fuck I could do to look busy.

Stay tuned for the next installment.

3 comments:

meno said...

Oh the weirdness of starting a new job.
And to be working with a man, his ex, and his current. Oh, there will be a story, you are right.

MommyHAM said...

So, did you somehow get transported into a weird parallel universe that is as intricate and melodramatic as daytime TV?

You can't make that schtuff up....wow.

Anonymous said...

Helo yor highness... I'm a semi-retired Denver resident who has just put my colorado business dealings on hold. It's fun to hear of your new employment spectikle. Say hello to the Fun-ka-sorus. As long as we both know who I am I'll bid you good night.

-Longtime listener second-time responder