Friday, January 26, 2007

The Princess Complains

Things That I Find Highly Irritating... because I'm just in that kind of mood.

(and there are hundreds, but we only have time for about a dozen, right now.)

12. When my pictures get out of order. THEY’RE IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, PEOPLE! Why ruin the order?? I am slightly obsessive about this.

11. Getting a bad pistachio, You don’t really know what’s happened until you’ve chewed, and suddenly that whole nasty flavor is smeared all over the inside of your mouth.

10. Adults who still think it’s funny to tell racist or gay jokes. (Yo’ Mamma, jokes, on the other hand, continue to be some of the best humor there is.)

9. Telemarketers. (The Do-Not-Call list was a little gift from heaven.) I understand they’re just trying to do their job. But their job annoys there ever-lovin’ fuck out of me. I used to pick up the phone, say, “Can you hang on for just a sec.?” And then put the phone in a drawer, and go on about my business. I figured that way, not only was I not being irritated, but I was saving someone else from being irritated. I’m a do-gooder, like that.

8. Bumper to bumper traffic. I think my current 1-hour commute has raised my blood pressure by about a thousand points.

7. Baseball season. There is NO NEED for it to be so damn long.

6. Hummers. Way to say, “I have a small dick” and “I hope the Earth turns into a dusty ball of fire while I’m still alive,” all in one sentence.

5. People who relinquish pets because they’re “old.” See Meno’s blog from three days ago. My panties are still in a twist about it. What’s funny is they’ll be surprised when their kids put them in a nursing home at age 70. Wonder where they learned that?

4. Tomatoes being a necessary function of every salad. I hate tomatoes. They are gross. But I am hard-pressed to find a decent salad that doesn’t have some of their mealy nastiness on them.

3. Dogs who poop in my yard. I had a dog. I used a pooper scoop. My dog was part malamute. (And part black lab, for added cuteness and energy.) Unless you have a great dane, I’ve scooped bigger poop, so you have no reason not to clean up after your damn yappy little squirrel-looking-thing.

2. When The Funasaurus tells me that PMS is a social construct. … Don’t even get me started.

1. My brain. It keeps me up all night, overworking all the random crap I need to do, or didn’t do, or could do, and then lets me fall asleep at the most horrible times. Like my chemistry final. Or a friend’s party. Or at my new job. Oopsie.

Do you have anything else to add???


meno said...

Well, you're in a mood today! I love it.

People who comment on the appearance of another person.
Example: Stranger woman in locker room last week to me "Oh, you are so tall! How do you find clothes that fit?"

The funny thing is that i was naked at the time.

Marcia said...


6. Hummers. Way to say, “I have a small dick” and “I hope the Earth turns into a dusty ball of fire while I’m still alive,” all in one sentence.

Funniest point of all time.

Pauline said...

Nope, but when I make a list of things that make me laugh, I will put your blog near the top :)

MommyHAM said...

hee hee hee.....

the super fakey high voices that some women do when they answer the phone - way to say, "I do fake orgasms, for Hummer owners too!"

LOL - sorry couldn't resist

v said...

Funny stuff. As usual. But seriously, give tomatoes a chance?

Dantares said...

Any time that is Am. Relative Sobriety. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruises films. Micheal Grant. Micheal Grant's books. People who are bright and happy and active in the AM. The Atlantic Ocean.