Some Salt in the Kingdom

Yesterday, I brought one of these for lunch. Not totally bad, but I felt it was missing something. Salt. Unfortunately, I was in a pepper-happy house, with nary a salt shaker to be had. So I started exploring their cupboards (EIGHT LADELS. Who needs EIGHT LADELS?) and did eventually find a large can of salt. Now, normal, rational people who’ve spent any amount of time in the kitchen at all know to pour a little in their hands, and season their food that way. Not me! I was quite confident in my salt-pour-control abilities, and just turned the sucker upside down over my miniature bowl of pasta with a flourish. And then proceeded to enjoy a nice lunch of pesto flavored salt.

Then, as I was leaving for the evening, I went to wash down the remainder of my lukewarm tea down the kitchen sink, so that it wouldn’t spill all over my car, as it is wont to do. (Cute. Not very “airtight” though.) Of course, the tea bag was still in the cup, and of course, even though I swore I’d just pour ever-so-slightly (having learned nothing at all at lunchtime) the tea bag came right out and went straight down the garbage disposal.

I hate old, soggy, unviewable food more than just about anything. But having already fucked over their e-mail and website, I didn’t feel like screwing up Kanga and Tulip’s garbage disposal, either. So I reached my hand down the dark, slimy hole, and felt… nothing, And I could see even less. That would make sense, since it was nighttime and no one had been upstairs for several hours, so there were no lights on. So, with one hand still in the disposal, I reached over to turn on the light.

Do you see where this is going?

No. Actually, some kitchen gadget god was watching over me, and made me realize that perhaps I should withdraw my hand from the disposal before flipping switches. So, fingers still intact, I got the light turned on, finally retrieved the tea bag, and went home. Where I avoided all machinery and went to bed promptly at 9:30.

Do we think I’m getting a little less exciting when all I can find to talk about is salt, garbage disposals, and going to bed early…?