Thursday, February 21, 2008

Why I Didn't Get the New Wife of the Year Award

After a weekend of fast food and copious amounts of beef jerky, I decided to cook something a little lighter for dinner last night. I found a recipe for chicken cutlets that looked tasty, and somehow convinced myself that the recipe calling for anchovy paste was absolutely no problem, despite the fact that the man I married orders his cheeseburgers with “no lettuce, no tomato, no cheddar, just American cheese, please” lest they taste too complicated.

I was in the midst of preparing the meal when The Funasaurus got home, specificially,I was busy doing a taste-test of the dry white wine that it called for, when he wandered over to see what was cooking. I was not able to chug my glass quite fast enough before he had glanced at the recipe, and I saw his sweet brown eyes swell in fear.

“Does… does that say ‘anchovies,’ baby?” he asked, failing miserably at hiding his horror.

“Paste! It says anchovy paste, darling,” I said, swooping it away. “That basically means ‘salt’ with perhaps a vague seafood flavor. But don’t worry, you can’t taste actual anchovy flavor at all,” I said.

He wandered away, calculating whether it was worth enduring my wrath to make a quick dash to Quizos.

We sat down to eat, and we both scarfed the green beans, before turning to the chicken. “Mmmm!” I said, as though my verbal endorsement would make a difference in his discriminating tastes. It was good, but there was more anchovy flavor than I had remembered.

The Funasaurus bravely took a healthy bite, and tried not to gag. Then he looked scared, like I was going to beat him.

Then I felt guilty not only for cooking a meal I had known he’d hate, but for apparently having given him the impression that violence might be such a likely occurrence in our young marriage.

Then Tatum helped himself to the sauce on The Funasaurus' plate while we were distracted figuring out what else we could do for his dinner. It's been fun to clean the litter box today!

The Funasaurus finished his night off with Honey Nut Cherrios, and I had good leftovers for lunch, today. And we both felt much better after having a Klondike Oreo Cookie for dessert.

Fortunately, tonight he’s on his own. But I’m thinking I may owe him pepperoni pizza, tomorrow. Maybe I won't even sneak anchovies onto my half, this time.


Diane said...

Oh, my Magnolia Bakery cookbook arrived in the mail today - - there will be cupcakes galore (or other baked goods galore) in mi casa this weekend . . .

A wife who will cook, and a husband who will take a bite sounds to me like a match made in heaven

Christie said...

I am the picky bitch in our marriage. There is so much more I won't eat. Jay will eat anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Do I have your email? I'll send you a bunch of recipes he would probably eat. If I'll eat it, maybe your hubby would, too.

Lily said...
I mean, I'll try anything, I have plenty of vegetarian cookbooks and weird recipes and experiences I like to try. But would never let anyone else taste... An old, single girl's weirdness.
But cooking for someone is something else!!!
My guy is kind of picky like that, put also as brave as yours and told me proudly he would eat anything I make. And that is so sweet, but the truth is, I suck at cooking normal food.
Your little story reminds me of last Sunday when we ended up eating toast and jam with hot chocolate for supper, out of lazyness and desperation....Shame, pure shame.

Angela said...

But don't you at least get points for trying? I mean, that puts you in a category far above me, for sure!

meno said...

Just so you know, i would have eaten it.

It must be hard to be a picky eater. Thinner, but hard.

Judy said...

Bill will anything at least once. And he will let me know what not to ever fix again. Have to say it doesn't happen very often.
I really enjoy your blog. My daughter Christie says you are one of her favorites. I will be reading all the time.

Melissa said...

Kudos to you for trying! I would have gladly scarfed it down. But you know me, I eat anything. I'm pretty lucky. My hubby will eat most anything. Except for olives. That pisses me off. I LOVE them. Hope it won't be too long before I can cook for you guys! Love ya'!

Princess in Galoshes said...

Diane- So, did you make cupcakes???

Christie- PLEASE send recipes.

Lily- There is no shame in eating bread for any meal. It is my all-time favorite food.

Angela- You don't cook at all?

Meno- Thanks. You are welcome for dinner, anytime.

Judy- Thanks for stopping by! Now I am off to check out yours. :-)

Mel- Shalom, baby! Find any good Israeli recipes, yet?