Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Reason # 495 I Will Not Have Children

Friday I spent most of the afternoon at the emergency vet’s, because poor little Sugar was puking her little guts out, and feeling very embarrassed about it, thus leading her to choose the most inopportune places to leave little puddles of kitty puke. (Under the bed! Behind the sofa! Under the TV stand!)

Alarmed, I took her to the Very Important Emergency Vet, where they did exactly nothing to make me feel better. Sugar lost her kitty shit, between being sick and being poked by needles in a less-than-coddling-way, she was frantic. The vet took some blood (goodbye, honeymoon!) and asked gravely if I thought she should take x-rays and an ultrasound. (Goodbye vacation ever again EVER.)

Um, I don’t know, jackass. Aren’t you the vet?

So she explained that if there was a blockage, or something, that it wouldn’t show up in the bloodwork, they’d need to see it on an ultrasound, because it could be very dangerous and explode. On the other hand, it could just be a huge tumor, that they could see on an x-ray, and while Sugar may only have seconds to live, they could prescribe me some medicine for a million dollars to treat it.

What’s a kitty momma to do?

My gut told me that there was no blockage. The vet kept asking if Sugar had eaten anything she wasn’t supposed to, a toy, or something like that. And I said, “No, that would be Tatum. He’s part goat. Sugar is more... particular. She really only likes dry kibble. In a porcelain bowl.”

So I looked at Sugar who was on the verge of scratching her own eyes out (her attempt at scratching mine having thus-far failed) and I decided that no medical procedure was worth putting her through the extreme panic she appeared to be going through. So I paid a couple hundred dollars for the bloodwork, and took Sugar home.

I called The Funasaurus in tears, wondering if I had made the right decision.

“They wanted to charge you WHAT? We don’t need to pay thousands of dollars for an x-ray to tell us she has the KITTY FLU, baby.” he reassured me.

Sure enough, the next morning, Sugar was running around, eating, drinking, and terrorizing Tatum with her back-from-the-vet smell. She was also Pissed Off that I was trying to feed her medicine when, obviously, she was SO over it.

The vet called the next day to see if she was dead yet from her lack of x-rays and ultrasounds, and I told her that no, in fact, Sugar seemed perkier than ever, probably because I had bribed her with a copious amount of treats from the supermarket, the kitty equivalent of about a dozen Big Macs. And also, since she was doing so great, could I stop giving her the medicine? The vet said no, it’d be better to continue the bi-daily dosage for the next seven days. She’s a vet, but I get the feeling she doesn’t give cats medicine that often. Twice a day for seven days? Are you crazy? I don’t have that many fingers to lose!

But, dutifully, and fingerless, the dance of medicine admission has since taken place twice a day since then, and Sugar grows more hateful with each dose. But as long as she’s eating and drinking while being hateful, I can deal.


Sugar says: You will all be punished.


D'Rae said...

Oh poor baby! I am so glad she is feeling back to normal!

Diane said...

It sucks to have sick animals . . .

I know that my cat was not a good patient, and when her kidneys were failing at age 16, I kept her comfortable and let her go. I decided she was too old and cranky to undergo alot of treatment

Lily said...

Oh my GOD! Sugar is totally precious! Love that face!

I so understand your feelings towards vets. I've had my share of bad experiences with these emotineless, money-hungry robots. (Sorry if there are any good vets here!)But I lost thousands of dollars and my cats never got better. Still lucky they arent traumatized for life.

Vets are just too quick to prescribe horrible,chemical, shove-down the throat medicine and shots and expensive treatments.
An X-Ray for a puking cat! Sheesh! And they ask *you* if they should....godamn!
Cats are right. They should hate them, and so should we. That's why I try to stay away unless it's an emergency.

Natural way all the way! In the end, homeopathy and naturopathy are less expensive and totally worth people laughing at you. Sugar will love you, and Goaty too.;)

Angela said...

Wow, there is some serious hate in that gaze, for sure!

But some day, when she's all grown up, she'll understand that you did this out of love. And then her therapist will blame you for her compulsion to eat kitty treats whenever she's upset.

Kids are so ungrateful.

Ramblin' Red said...

I am feelin' the love, Sugar. I mean really.

Vets who MAYBE want to run every extraneous test they can think of but put the guilt on YOU to actually make the decision are, in a word, jackasses.

Glad she is seemingly better.

Pauline said...

omg that is THE most hateful look on a cat's face I have ever seen. Watch your back!

meno said...

Last time i paid good money at the vets was when they charged me $10 to give mt cat an enema. Totally worth every penny!

Pretty kitty!

Snark Scribe said...

I've never tried giving a cat medicine and I don't think I want to try. It was bad enough having to hold down a friend's rabbit while she injected meds into its neck.

Princess in Galoshes said...

D'rae- Thanks, she seems to be totally over it, thankfully!

Diane- I honestly believe sometimes that is the more humane decision.

Lily- I totally agree, I almost didn't take her in... she was just puking so much.

Angela- That's funny. Sadly, she's already horribly ungrateful.

Red- Amen, sista.

Pauline- I know, she scares me, sometimes. (Actually, her eyes are just huge, and the flash hurts them, so it's not actually hate, so much as a reaction to the light... but I love how hateful it looks!)

Meno- A) Who's your vet? I'm totally taking Sugar there. Even with the gas, it'll be cheaper. B) Kitty enema???? You MUST tell THAT story!

Snark- Oh! Poor bunny. I feel bad for them. At least I feel like cats can fight back... bunnies are so helpless and sad.

patches said...

Wow! I'm not a good patient either. I've been blacklisted from two animal hospitals.