Where have I been, this week? Oh, I don’t even know where to start. The past six days have included:
1 yoga class. Wherein I actually cried, it hurt so bad. Thus reaffirming I am a big, fat pansy, and also not really meant for exercising.
1 trip to the emergency room with my mother-in-law who was quite sure she had cancer in her throat but it actually turned out to be a large piece of salmon. Radiation not needed, so much as chewing.
Several late nights of work, but often there is a quick power nap with my head on my desk during the day, so… you know. It evens out.
5 excruciating days of mouse withdrawal for Tatum. He was starting to get a little obsessive about the whole thing, having trained The Funasaurus’ sister’s boyfriend (who is currently living with us, if you remember) to get up and get him a mouse STAT, first thing in the morning. Which is fine during the week, when Tatum waits for the alarm. It is not so fine when he decides, “Hey FUCKERS! It’s 6:00 AM! Time for my mouse! GET UP!” on a Saturday morning.
So he starts each day out with his soliloquy that begins with a tentative, “Mew?” and quickly escalates into a little one-sided Tatum conversation, “Rrrow? Row? Rowrowrow? Rrrrrow. Rrowrrowrrow. Rowww? Rrrow. Rrrowrowrrrowrrrow.” And then he goes for the cute, “Purr/rrrowww….” And when that does nothing he gets a little lounder and harsher, “RRRRRRRROW!GRRROW!GRROW!” And when THAT doesn’t work, there’s the not-so-subtle “Rrreow-bitches-best-get-me-my-mouse-before-I-cut-them-rrow!” And Tatum’s not playing, because he WILL cut you, just ask my collar bone.
So I decided to cut the little bastard off, and it has been Very Sad around here, what with the lack of faux mice, and the wild look in Tatum’s eye. Having successfully sucked all the joy from his life, I have turned my attention to Sugar, and her recent darts for freedom into the garage, which are getting rather annoying.
I have not found the time to go to the post office to mail my friend’s birthday present which was, oh, A WEEK AGO, and I haven’t had a spare second to clean the house, which has bypassed "pigsty" and gone straight into "trailer-park-after-a-natural-disaster" territory. (Of course, I did somehow find time to watch Oceans Thirteen with The Funasaurus last night. Because it is just that good.)
Sometimes I miss my days of navel-staring whilst unemployed.
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9 comments:
Wow! Busy gal!
Although, on my first read through, I read that whole Tatum paragraph with "mouse" as "mousse". So I was wondering if he was just concerned about having limp fur or if maybe you fed him some kind of fancy food. And then it clicked. And it's still pretty funny!
I love how you're showing Tatum tough love. Don't give in; it's for his own good. Nobody likes a spoiled kitty. (Except me with Monklet.) And,that unemployment thing does sound kinda nice.
This is why it's good that we live where the cats can go out. They piss me off too much, they are tossed out on their little fuzzy butts.
You never fail to make me laugh -
Maybe I can convince my classroom of second graders that power naps are a GOOD thing...
I'm also adopting your "I'm not made for exercise" stance.
I haven’t had a spare second to clean the house, which has bypassed "pigsty" and gone straight into "trailer-park-after-a-natural-disaster" territory.
I thought I was the only one who let it get that bad...glad to know I'm not alone.
So, with MIL - was this a RECENT chewing issue, or had it been lodged for some time? Too funny.
Missed you - glad to see you.
Poor Tatum! I wish my dog was able to recognize weekend mornings too . . .
Angela- That is hilarious! I am contemplating going back and changing all the "mouse"s to "mousse"! It totally works!
c3- Monklet was very lucky she had you. She was such a stinky little monkey! And unemployment is GREAT, right up until the bills arrive.
Meno- Yeah, sometimes I wish I wasn't such an overprotective mother. I play mind games with them, instead.
Pauline- Some of us were just never meant to get the adrenaline rush. And I'm o.k. with that. Although I don't totally buy that about you, what with all your bike riding and playing by the creek....
Ham- The piece of salmon was that same night. But she's apparently not very good at chewing in general. I shall refrain from any further commentary, here, because I want to take the high(ish) road.
Diane- It's rough, being a spoiled pet, these days. ;-)
Eh. Yoga. Who needs it.
"Radiation not needed, so much as chewing" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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