Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Weddings and Assholes

My friend Shooting Star's wedding was this past weekend, and while she was a gorgeous bride, and the wedding went perfectly, there is some danger in attending weddings so close to your own. You end up thinking crazy thoughts like, “Dammit, why didn't WE think of having a watermelon carved to look like a bouquet of flowers? I wonder if there's time to find a local... fruit sculptor?”

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Fortunately, Shooting Star and I have spent the last, oh, FIFTEEN months going over most of our Very Important Details meticulously. So while the watermelon bouquet threw me for a bit of a loop, the fabulous favors did not. In fact, I sat there sniffing smugly, thinking, “Ha HA, I am totally copying her on this fantastic idea.”

Seeing as how the only duplicate guests we will have will be us (me and The Funasaurus) and Shooting Star and her new husband (husband!) we figured it'll be o.k. Plus, we went with different... scents. So it's not totally the same. Sheesh.

Meanwhile, today is The Funasaurus' first glorious day of freedom, aka total bliss, aka transitional time-off between jobs. With visions of total slovenliness dancing through his head, he spent the weekend playing volleyball, watching football, playing video games, and going to his fantasy football draft and not showering once. His life is good.

And like the good little wife-to-be, what did I do on his first delicious morning of nothing to do? I woke him up at the butt crack of dawn to go running with me, is what I did! Because I'm an asshole. A lonely, I-don't-like-to-run-alone asshole.

Then I got in the shower, and The Funasaurus decided to run to Target to get the new season of The Office on DVD, because he's pretty sure that's the best way to spend his first day off. While there, he picked up a box of my beloved Uncrustables, because he noticed I was out and was not going to have any for my lunch today.

I am the most undeserving asshole, EVER.

11 comments:

Leah said...

Can you say JEALOUS?! I am so jealous of the Funasaurus and his glorious time off. I wanna be off! I hope he enjoys his well deserved break.

I am planning to start jogging today, so we shall see how it goes. I am going to start slow and work up from there. I really hate jogging, but you guys are such an inspiration!

Lilycurly said...

Wow! That is one pretty, pretty watermelon.
I didn't even know this could be done...speechless!

Christie said...

I am jealous that Funasaurus went to Target and got you your favorite thing. I want wish my husband would do that. Oh, wait, you're not married yet. That's why he did it.

audrey said...

For our wedding, we ordered a Fruit Tray from the caterer. What we got was not a tray at all, but rather a watermelon that was half-assedly carved to look like a boat. Complete with toothpick sails held together with pieces of fruit. It was truly tacky.

Sometimes the absence of a carved watermelon isn't the end of the world, is all I'm saying.

meno said...

I had to stare at the watermelon for a while to figure out what it was.

This makes me imagine saying "Oh yes, i carve fruit for a living."

patches said...

I love the title of this post...but dear you hardly qualify for asshole status.

hamiam said...

I'm with patches...wonder how many bizzarre google hits you will get from this post?

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Wait, doesn't everyone intricately carve their watermelons before eating them? No? Wow.

Ryan said...

I've seen a website full of excellent watermelon carvings. My favorite was the one that was carved to look like a smaller watermelon

Diane said...

Ok, that watermelon might be the coolest wedding decoration ever . . .

Snark Scribe said...

Wow that watermelon is beautiful! It looks like a cameo.