Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Ahoy, Landlovers. I Be Crazy Busy.

GAH! I know I have been delinquent in posting, but things are getting rather hectic around here. Starting with the fact that I am vaguely sick with something mysterious and large amounts of AirBorne and chicken soup are keeping it at bay but not getting rid of it, completely. It probably didn't help that I spent Saturday night on a ghet-to party bus going from club to club for a bachelorette party. (Not mine, someone else's.)

This bus. Oh y'all. You cannot even imagine, but it was GHET-TO! We started out the evening classily enough, with some jungle juice and a penis pinata in someone's backyard. But then things went downhill. The bus arrived. And it was basically a run-down city bus. Except the seats had been reupholstered (sometime circa 1974) in BROWN CORDUROY and had not been cleaned since, thus forcing you to choose between the seats with crusty stains and seats that had significant holes and forced you to sit upon a spring.

I went for the spring up the butt. If you had seen the stains, I don't doubt you would have made the same decision.

The party bus also had some of those revolving colored light things, except one side was missing, so instead of creating a continual effect, a twirling red, yellow, and blue pattern kind of search lighted its way around the bus.

Plus, the floor was sticky.

Plus, the driver was this very large dude sporting a mountain man beard and OVERALLS. The kind that makes it look like you just came back from baling hay. Who the heck wears farmer overalls? Especially to drive a party bus? He was fairly surly, too, and I was pretty sure he'd don a hockey mask at some point and slaughter us all out in a corn field before the night was over, because that was the exact look he seemed to be going for.

So that was Saturday. Sunday we ran errands, Monday my French friend got into town, and after a few laps around DIA I retrieved her (how the hell did society ever function before cell phones????) and yesterday I worked while The Funasaurus took her shopping and to the movies. Then I died of jealousy and bailed on work to go join her at the mall. Because no one should have to shop alone, I thought, selflessly.

Yar. It be National Talk Like a Pirate Day.

My new favorite joke, stolen from E:

Q: What kind of socks do pirates wear?

A: Arrrrrrr-gyle.



Diane said...

Aye, aye Captain!

Snark Scribe said...

Someone told me her bus driver went with them into the club, refused to leave when everyone wanted to, and said he was "staying until Elvis came on."

At least he wasn't wearing a beard and overalls.

meno said...

And my parrot too!

(Thinking of booking a flight.) Will explore other sneakiness first.)

Pauline said...

your life is ever so much fun - and funny!

M-M-M-Mishy said...

You have great stories. Say, I'm a maid of honour in a wedding coming up... can you give me the name of said mountain man? This bus sounds like a trip.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender says, "Yo man, whats up with the wheel? Isn't that painful?" Pirate says, "Arrrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Angela said...

Oh my gosh, you're getting married this weekend!!

And have you heard about the new Pirate movie coming out next summer?

It's rated ARRRRRRRR! ;)

(I know, I'm a day late, but it's not often I get to throw that joke around and it's one of the very few that I ever remember.)

Mama P said...

That just sounds like hell and makes me beyond glad to be a boring married geek who goes on dates with her husband, or good girlfriend, to dinner. When it's a wild night, we do coffee and then Border Bookstore.

Angela said...

Just stopping by to wish you congratulations on your big day, and I can't wait to hear about it when you're back in the "real world"! (Avoid that for as long as possible!!)