Sunday, May 13, 2012

50 Shades of OHmyGAWDIamsoembarrassedtoadmitthis

I broke. I read 50 Shades of Grey. What's that, you're living under a rock and only read Yahoo! news scrolls on your way to checking into email and have no idea about 50 Shades of Fucked Up? (Sadly, that is lifted straight from book content.) It is awful, terrible, AWFUL AWFUL housewife porn.

Porn porn porn, crappily written porn. It is Twilight for the less-educated adult set. If I thought I was embarrassed to admit I read Twilight...this shit makes Twilight look like refined literature. Remember how I felt about Twilight? I had no idea it would get SO MUCH WORSE.

Anyway. It sucks. The writing is so very bad, and I stayed up until 3:00 AM several nights in a row finishing the damn series because I was sucked in to a silly, unhealthy, pervy little world. I swore I wouldn't read another word if one more person's breath "hitched" or gave a "holy fuck," and yet I did. I read those phrases hundreds of more times (I am sending that author a frickin thesaurus as a cry-all-the-way-to-the-bank gift) just to learn how the older, completely disfunctional dude was going to sexually tease the young, hapless female who happens to have had this most eligible bachelor fall for her despite the fact that she doesn't seem to have very much to offer except an amazing ability not to get any UTIs from all the sex-ing.

UHG. Don't read it, unless you need to kick-start your libido, in which case I say, lucky your husband! Also, factor in a day to catch up on sleep after you finish the stupid thing.


Heather said...

SNL had a hilarious skit about this book a couple weeks back. It was the first time I heard of it, and nah, not interested ;).

Michele said...

Holyfuckingshit, I have heard so fucking much about this book that I almost caved and read the fucking thing. Thank you for sacrificing yourself and reporting back, thereby saving me time I can never, ever get back. I commend you for this fine service, Princess. I also hope to see you around here a little more often. I miss you. xxoo