Stories That Would Be Better with Less Explanation

I got an email today that I really wish had not been a “reply to all” so much as “New Title"d because it would have been way awesomer out of context. It came to me from somebody I don’t know (Did I mention I joined the homeowner’s board for my little corner of the neighborhood? Because I did. Which vaguely translates to a watered-down version of high school student council for everyone who was so not cool enough to actually get voted into a nominal, gossipy position of almost-no-power-at-all 20 to 40 years ago.) and the entire email read:

Thank you Jeannette.
Thanks you! Mark.

It was a thankful email, full of names I don’t know. It just made me feel like the universe was encouraging the appreciation of random strangers. Hello, you, person! Thank you. Thank you Ginny, Alistair, and Edwina! (Apparently the strangers in my brain are all about eighty-nine.)

In truth, it was a thank-you note to a contractor sent from a person who’s also on the board, whom I have yet to meet, who forgot that his automatic email signature would provide a nice parallel structure to his message.

Totally not as awesome a story as the universe's sudden interest in gratitude.

I also feel like I was violated a bit by not one but TWO cats today. First, I went for a jog on my sister-in-law’s treadmill. Being worn out from almost ten full minutes of doing something that looked like a drunken power walker, I sat briefly to cool off. Her normally aloof cat came running over to stuff her nose into all my sweaty bits, including my crotch. After four years of running in crazed fear if I got within her twenty-foot comfort zone, I felt like this was maybe rushing our physical relationship just a tad.

Then, as I sat here typing, I felt the gentle kneading on my scalp that The Funasaurus knows to break out as foreplay because it feels so good it’s practically orgasmic. Except then my giddy little brain was like, “Um, Funasaurus = not at home.” So I glance at the back of my chair and come weirdly close to the uber-dialated, googly eyes of Tatum, going nuts in my ponytail with his paws. It felt so wrong. And I had to re-do my ponytail, so double loss right there.

This post took a weird turn. Come back next week.