Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Queen for a Day..and then Another Day

Hi hi. I am still here. Barely. I got four consecutive hours of sleep last night, which is the most sleep I’ve gotten in a month, and so I am feeling fabulous and productive this morning.

Motherhood is kicking my ass. We started a blog for family and friends with pictures of Miss Thang. I try to remain optimistic and light there, since we are not trying to strike fear into the hearts of our loved ones. But I plan on being a little more candid here. Overall, I think we’re doing pretty good. And each day IS getting a little easier, if only a tiny bit so. But it’s really fucking hard, too. There are so many decisions that have to be made while running on a nominal amount sleep and major amount stress. Who is it o.k. to whip out a boob in front of? Should I try and force this itty-bitty shirt over my screaming child’s head, or risk letting her freeze to death? Can I keep my mouth shut when yet another random person tries to give me advice that I already have heard fourteen times? Is it o.k. to try and grab a bite to eat when I’m starving if my child is still sobbing hysterically? Should I bother to try and clean the mold off of the dishes that are piling up in the sink, or just invest in paper plates someday when I make it back to the grocery store?

See what I mean? Candid. I am not open to criticism, thanks anyway.

Meanwhile, apparently the world outside continues to turn, but I am not really aware of it. I have lost track of days, but I am happy I get ten weeks of maternity leave to invest in this baby. Each day I learn a little more, and get a little closer to this tiny person. I do not know how women go back to work sooner. Really, my hat is off to you if you have done that. Also, I have a newfound respect for single mothers. That is an inconceivable notion to me. I do not think I could have physically or mentally gotten this far without The Funasaurus. Seriously, if you were raised by or know a single mom, perhaps you should buy her something very expensive and sparkly for Thanksgiving. And then again for Chanukah and Christmas. Also perhaps a crapload of liquor.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, we are actually hosting this year. And by “hosting” I mean, “we will unlock the door to our house and let my mom come in with all the supplies and cook in our kitchen.” Of course, we have a new gas stove, and we are smelling quite a bit of natural gas when we turn the oven on. The Funasaurus and I have blissfully gone about cooking (mostly chocolate chip cookies) in our exhausted new-parent stupor, but my mom is somewhat concerned about the natural gas. She has these silly concerns about blowing up our new little family, apparently that’s not part of her Thanksgiving day plan. So I have tried to call the builder, who told me to call the gas company, who told me to call this other number, who have told me they’d call back sometime to schedule a day to come out and test our oven.

I have doubts about whether this will happen before Thanksgiving. In which case, I am starting to wonder if we are going to have to just start popping little Cornish game hens one by one into our toaster oven starting around Miss Thang’s 3:00AM feeding on Thursday morning. That should be awesome.

Next up, the story of Tatum, the little shit we can’t live without.


Cate Subrosa said...

I promise it is going to carry on getting a little bit easier every day, hang on in there!

I really hate the shall I/shan't I (whip out a boob) question. Do you have a nursing cover? It really helps, although it doesn't make it completely straightforward as I still grapple with when to use it and when to go without.

c3 said...

Don't worry, darling, all new moms feel that way! A wise friend told me that the first month is simply about survival. Love you!!!!

meno said...

I think my dad needed therapy when i popped a tit in front of him once. At the time, i could not have cared less, and i still don't.

Everything you are describing is completely normal.

Just keep swimming!


Pauline said...

It does get easier and then one day you will hear yourselves discussing a second child, and perhaps a third (I had four though I don't remember the discussions). I was also a single mother for years so it can be done!

Shooting Star said...

The first month with B, my goal each day was solely to shower. Not even to get dressed after showering, just to shower and put PJs back on, if necessary. And often that didn't even happen. :) You are doing great! It's hard, it's crazy, it's stressful, and, yes, it's fun (sometimes) -- and your are normal! No one else but you and the Funasaurus know what's best for Miss Thang, so you just keep making the best decisions you can each day under the circumstances. But it DOES get easier, bit by bit, I promise. :) Hang in there.