Monday, August 17, 2009

Cross-Wired

Today I called a service that I like to call StupidCast to set up a new phone and internet line at our new house. It was a typical conversation with them, involving lots of emphatic NOs from me, lots of uncertain math by them, and a general desire to poke out my brains with a blunt object through my right eyeball by the end of it all.

Somewhere in the middle of that gawdawful conversation we had to come up with an installation date, and it just so turned out to be the same day as the birthday of the daughter of the lady I was talking with.
Her daughter is turning 13.

Fine.

She still acts like a little girl.

Fine. Can we talk about what eight-hour time span I can expect a technician to show up and butcher our wiring?

She still has kittens on her walls.

FINE, did you remember to include my precious DVR in that order?

She just got her first period.

Fi...WTF?

It’s about time to have THAT talk with her. You know, the one where…

YES, I KNOW. The things we don’t think about when we decide to have a baby, ha ha. (Except for now I am thinking about it. Thinking about talking to my unborn child about bleeding and mood swings and teenage pregnancy and OMG I really need a fucking rock to crawl under about now.)

In less-traumatic news, I have been hearing about people who play their kids classical music. Early start learning and all that. There is much controversy over volume levels, are earphones on the stomach effective, and the advantages of Mozart over Beethoven. I have chosen to eschew all of the above, and instead, when I rediscovered my iPod the other day, had myself and my engorged belly a little dance party to “Put a Ring on It” by the classic artist, Beyonce. Tonight, when Beyonce’s song “Halo” came on, the kiddo started kicking. Possibly coincidence, possibly my influence condemning her to a lifetime of poppy hip-hop. Here’s hoping she’ll have a little more rhythm than her mom.

Also, if you are looking for a very awesome baby gift, look no further: Sushi Booties. You’re welcome.

9 comments:

meno said...

Just don't feed her, and she'll not grow into a pesky bleeding woman. That's what i shoulda done. Right?

Ramblin' Red said...

Oh no, the Stupidcast woman di-uhn't go THERE with you?!?! WTF indeed.....Oy....

JoJo said...

That's so awkward. We only get Stupidcast out here in Cow Town, USA, which is another reason we don't mess with cable.

Shooting Star said...

The sushi booties crack me up! Literally I was laughing out loud! How on earth do you find this stuff?!

Holly said...

OMG cutest shoes EVER. And wow, what a story. someone needs to rein that call center rep in. I hope that was one of the calls being "recorded for training purposes".

Angela Noelle said...

I am... astounded! I mean, I'm all about sharing, but really, that is just too much. Now, just what, your order is going to be TOTALLY screwed up, but maybe you'll get to hear all about the technician's First Time--yay!

Diane said...

Did you bill her for the therapy session?

Yoga Gal said...

Great story

Christie said...

Simply awesome socks!