What I Did Over MY Summer Vacation

Hmm. So. Guess what I did.

I went and got myself in a family way, again.

!

I swore I'd never do that, but the parental amnesia is strong. You forget all the tears, all the scary trips to doctors, and pediatric ERs in the middle of the night, you forget the sleep deprivation (or, I think possibly the sleep deprivation fucks over your memory completely and forever), the annoyances, the poop in the carpet. YOU FORGET IT ALL, and you're like, my kid is so awesome with her coloring skeelz and ability to hold a fork now, we should totally have another!

So off we go on this little adventure. The Funasaurus is psyched. Miss Thang is (fortunately) psyched. I am getting psyched-er, having intentionally gotten myself in this way but then spent the better part of July either prostrate on the couch or barfing into the nearest convenient container, and kind of had a little, "What have we done?" moment. But YAY, that seems to have mostly passed, now I can just look forward to the heartburn and cankles.

I haven't had many other symptoms, no weird cravings or uncontrollable bathroom issues. And I have mostly stayed sane, leaving my crazy craze channeled solely into a neurotic compulsion to avoid the microwave and turn off my phone at night, lest the magic, invisible ray-things that come out of said electronics do unhealthy things to my baby, and also a family of birds that took up residence on our porch. Mom and dad were vigilant with the nest, mom sat on those eggs for so long, and we weren't sure anything would come of it. Then Miss Thang spotted the babies, and we watched mom and dad take turns going to get food and watch over the youngsters. Mom would sit on them, tuck them in tightly, all paranoid, until the last second. Dad would often chillax on the side of the next while they doodled about in the nest, and I don't speak bird, but I believe he got a stern Talking To once or twice from mom. I agonized over the feedings, it looked like one baby was more aggressive about getting the worm vomit from the parentals than the other, and I was afraid the other was getting neglected and hungry, but they both grew well and got chunky and fluffy. Then one day this week both parents were gone at the SAME TIME. I had never seen the babies unattended. I fretted that they were abandoned. Then dad came back with food and all was well. Until the next day when one baby and half the nest was missing. I didn't know what to make of it, DEAD BABY? Or all grown up? Effing teenagers. Mom came back with food and tucked the remaining baby under her, in what was left of the nest, and that was quite a feat because the baby is pretty big, honestly, and as a I mentioned, not much nest left. And then yesterday they were all gone. I CRIED. They grow up and fly away forever and WHAT IS THE MEANING OF IT ALL IT'S SO SAD.

Fortunately Miss Thang demanded I come wipe her poop, so that was a...distraction, and I am recovering from the trauma of it all.

And that's me. How are you? Is there any you left?